As we rush back home my heart fills with hate. Rage muddles my mind. The calm before the storm is over. This oversight has let The Restless Hand slip right back into my life.
How could I have been so careless?
I grind my teeth as it hits me like the club of an ogre.
I have become soft.
Before Red Larch, before Amara and everything else I was cold to those around me. After Novak had let Remy die and forced me into The Restless Hand all I could do is think about how to rid myself of them.
From my time in my organization I had been taught to tie up loose ends. Once I had my chance to be free of Maddox and Varix there was no doubt in my mind what needed to be done. As they slept in their cells the night after our trial I set them ablaze. Their deaths would prevent them from chasing me down.
That was the first of many loose ends.
Since that night all I did was sever my ties to The Restless Hand. I defeated Novak and aided in killing his ally, the First Breaker. This all lead to preventing them from gathering the Sun Breaker gems and stopped the siege of Icewall.
But to do that I needed allies when I had not trusted anyone in years. Through Prince Amon Frost I had learned to open myself up and put faith in other people. With Lithia Muun I had found someone who understood my bluntness and wariness of people. Balasar, someone who I blamed for so much in the beginning of my rebellion, taught me forgiveness and became my brother in arms.
I believed all my loose ends were tied.
All of this blinded me to be cautious of what lurks in the shadows. It dulled the edge built in back ally fights. Just like that young and innocent orphan running the streets of Waterdeep, I had let my guard down for The Restless Hand to gain footing in my life once again.
There is no forgiving myself for this.